Top 10: Speaking Kenyan

After 5 weeks in Kenya, I have learned to speak a new language. It's not Kiswahili, and it's not Dholuo. It's simply another way of speaking English. Learning it wasn't so much a matter of interest, but more a matter of survival. Here are my top 10 favourite Kenyans expressions I have picked up. If you can remember these, you too will be able to speak with the locals when you find yourself in Kenya.

1. In order to have a proper Kenyan conversation, the most important thing you can do is to state the obvious. This minimizes awkward pauses and gives the listener deep insight into the details of your life. "I am awake" or "I am standing right here" serve as good examples.

2. Responding to "hello" with "I'm fine." Apparently in Kiswahili and Dholuo, hello encompasses hello, how are you, and I am fine.

3. Putting just before every command. "Just rest," or the one I hate most "just eat bread." It's meant to be polite, as in "this is all I'm asking you to do," but more often than not it comes out sounding like an order.

4. Using too many words in one sentence. "That's too many much expensive," for example. Wow. That's too many much words.

5. Saying it's ok to everything. Me: "I'm going to my room." Mama: "It's ok." Does that mean it's okay, you don't have to? Or it's ok, I approve? It leaves me confused every time.

6. I'm coming - I'm coming back later.

7. I'm moving - I'm leaving.

8. Just a minute - Come here

9. Yes - The answer to every question one doesn't know the answer to. It is employed at all times, no matter how much confusion it will cause.

10. When there is an awkward pause in a conversation you are having with someone you've just met, the common thing to say would be "Are you married?" "Are you looking for a partner?" or "Take me to Canada."



Bonus phrase! My personal favourite: Do you have an FM radio. It means exactly what you'd think, I'm just amazed at how often people ask me that. That's all for today. I hope this lesson has been fruitful and educating.